My mom calls me one or
twice every week and we would chat for, well, at least half an hour, and
sometimes one hour. My dad does not understand why we have so much to say to
each other. As far as he sees, what we does is waste of both time and money.
“International calls are expensive,” he argues. Of course, he also thinks my
mom asks a lot of nonsense questions. “Why do you want to know what she eats
every day?” Well these are not his exact words but you can get a peek into his philosophy
this way. My dad thinks there are much more greater things in life to do, to
ask, and to know, and my mom could make a much better use of her retired time
rather than attending to my trivia life details, especially thousand miles
away, across two continents.
“He is just being jealous,”
that’s what I told my mom two days ago when she called. My mom gave a good
laugh about it, and I could hear she did not actually understand what I meant.
“I mean it, he is jealous. Chatting requires skills, and we are talking about
those that would go on for hours.” Again, my mom thought “skills” should not be
used here. After all, “skill” is a serious term. We need certain skills to
survive, like hunting in the old times and using computers in current days. “Seriously,
mom, not everyone can do long chats. If you were able to chat with people for
hours, even just with your own daughter, it means something. Think about it, at
least it shows that you know the language and the subject well.” To convince my
mom, I even used myself as an example. “I wouldn’t be able to chat with my
American friends if I couldn’t speak English right? And, if I couldn’t speak it
well enough, our chats would never be long, either. Also I need to have enough
knowledge about certain subjects and my friends in order to chat with them.
Don’t you think so? I just want to tell you all the rules apply to us too.” My
mom was finally satisfied, and then she said with cheer, “alright it does make
sense. You make me feel much better now.”
I guess I couldn’t say with
real confidence that I’ve been very patient with my mom’s endless list of
questions the whole time. Sometimes I get impatient and give her perfunctory
answers. But I do think long chats require certain skills, and well, maybe even
something more than that. And my mom’s questions may seem trivia, but they are
nevertheless important and meaningful, at least to our relationships. It really
depends on the perspective we take.
Same rule applies to our
food choices. Most people think they are trivia and even irrelevant to our
lives most of the time. Why take time to think about them? Aren’t there better
things to do with our time and money and energy? True, my mom does not have to
know what I eat everyday, but it does make sense for her to know, to hear, and
to care, especially from thousand of miles away. Very likely it is an essential
questions to ask, for her being a mother and hold onto her motherhood in
another continent different from where I am.
To some extent I trace my
passion for food back to my mom’s way of feeding us, me and my brother. That
may be the only clue I get.
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